Erika Jordan

Toxic Women – By Erika Jordan

Erika Jordan

Follow and chat live with Erika Jordan on Instagram @erikajordan or on Twitter @Erika4Jordan

Toxic women come in different shapes and sizes. It’s like reading an electronic book with alternating pages. A choose your own adventure kind of experience. Our logical mind, heart and libido tend to have different ideas regarding who might be the right person to pursue. Learning to find a compromise that makes every part of you happy can be borderline impossible long term.  Since part of my mission is to help you date more efficiently and not waste precious time I will give you a list of red flags that you shouldn’t ignore.

Miss Rebound

She needs to be in a relationship at all times and will set up a new nest before destroying the one she’s in. She’s constantly looking for someone better and will drop you the moment she secures her next “upgrade.” She fears nights alone and informs Facebook every time she leaves the house.
Update status: It’s complicated.

Drunk girl at the party

She feels most comfortable when she’s bar hoping the night away. She who-hoos with her posse until the sun comes up even on a Tuesday. This girl will run up your tab getting plastered every night then you can hold back her hair while she covers your leather seats with vomit. Then if you still feel like doing the deed when you get home. Let me remind you alcohol loosens *everything* up and desensitizes you.
OMG I’m so wasted. Have you seen my purse?

Miss Dependent

Her family, husbands, boyfriends, divorce settlements have created a life for her in which she has never relied on herself for anything. She has no ambition and no interest in an education or career.
Really good at doing nothing.. Like a Kardashian.

Miss Prada

She only wears the finest fabrics and if it’s not designer she doesn’t want it in the same room. She is obsessed with fashion and has her cosmetic dentist and plastic surgeon on speed dial. She has a section in her closet just for yachting attire and if you don’t own a yacht, it’s a problem.
First class or nothing.

Miss pill popper

She has more ailments than a lab rat and she knows which doctors are loose with the prescription pad. No one really seems to know what’s wrong with her and her extreme moods are more entertaining than an amusement park.
I haven’t seen a pill I wouldn’t want to pop.

The stuffer

She agrees with everything you say. She’s a “sweetheart” and projects a selfless demeanor.  Seems fine and dandy if you’re the type of man who doesn’t mind a girl without her own opinion but in actuality she has an opinion and she keeps stuffing her own feelings and ideas deep deep down in order to appear more appealing to you. This is a passive woman that ends up becoming something more akin to the violent eruption at Pompeii vs. the sweetheart you thought you knew.  Put simply, this sweet bitch gets CRAY.
“Whatever you want.”

The perma-kid

This girl is forever 16. She’s anti authority and likes to cause a scene. She’ll end up being the 60+ year old grannie that has the droopy tattoos and still thinks she’s hip. You might like a good thrill but with this girl the thrill never stops… until you end up in jail.
If you love me you’ll do it.

Miss Bling Bling

She loves bedazzling everything and her favorite color is leopard. Her boobs are too big for any bra at Victoria Secrets and her motto is go big or go home. She needs attention at all times so when you’re going to the bathroom she’s texting 10 other guys. If you’re going to take this girl home I suggest wearing a condom.
Glitter is forever.

Miss Baby Fever

She tracks her ovulation with an app on her phone. This is the girl that loves sex and refuses to use birth control or at least she tells you she’s on the pill, but you’ve personally never seen a single pill. This girl is obsessed with having offspring and will do and say anything necessary to achieve this objective. Note: This girl will want you to stick around but mostly to pay child support.
Pulling out is against my religion.

Damsel in distress

This is a “Whoa is me” type of human being. Her life is more dramatic than a Quentin Tarantino film. Her parents abandoned her and from that point her life was one traumatic occurrence after another. She seems to disappear at night and always has a thick stack of one dollar bills in her purse. She hasn’t eaten in days and she’s starving.. for you to come to her rescue.

Miss not right now

She’s not in the right place in her life for a relationship but maybe tomorrow. You hang on because she’s unpredictable and mysterious and she’ll stick around for a bit while you pay the bill.

Although we have a need for excitement and uncertainty don’t get fooled by these types. We’ve all been fooled by an obvious trap but the great thing about being human is the ability to grow and learn from our mistakes. Happy Humping!



Follow and chat live with Erika Jordan on Instagram @erikajordan or on Twitter @Erika4Jordan


Valentine’s day changes everything – By Erika Jordan


Follow and chat live with Erika Jordan on Instagram @erikajordan or on Twitter @Erika4Jordan

Valentines day is around the corner!!! The second largest card sending holiday. Who-hoo!

What..? You’re not as excited as I am about it?

Valentine’s day has come a long way. There are various versions of how it began. Some say Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine thought this was unfair and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

Things haven’t gotten easier from when the priests would sacrifice a goat for fertility, and a dog for purification. They would  strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.

Sounds like a weird spin on a key party, right? I wouldn’t suggest trying to bring that tradition back.

It doesn’t matter how we got here what matters is that you don’t screw it up. As much as I recommend booking a reservation at the best restaurant you can afford (2 weeks in advance) and showering her with diamonds I realize that isn’t an option for most. Have no fear your favorite relationship and sex expert Erika Jordan is here!  In full blown wing woman style let me introduce you to some epic ideas for V day that won’t require you paying in installments.

She’s a romantic.

Download some songs that remind you of her or songs she’d like to think remind you of her and put them on a tiny flash drive.   Depending on if you have to buy the songs on iTunes.

Price $2-$5

She’s lazy.

Cater to her. Make her dinner, fix her a drink, massage her feet, do the dishes… you get the idea.

Price depends on the food

She’s clingy.

Go ice skating.  Hand holding, hot chocolate and you to grasp onto each time she slips. A clingers utopia.

Price $12

The keeper.

Make her a video. Tell her about the day you met, tell her why you love her and how much she means to you. Try and get footage of her you can integrate into the video. You shoot and edit this on your cell phone.

Price FREE

The booty call.

A burlesque show. It’s flirty and fun and most likely something you haven’t done before.

Price $20

The guarded one.

Karaoke. You’ll have fun and most likely get tipsy setting you up for a home run after party.

Price $10

The wish you were more than a friend girl.

Cooking class. The wine and learning a new skill works on the bonding and cooking a meal together can help her see you as a man she could live with instead of the man who lives next door.

Price $50

The athlete.

Google “love the run you’re with.” A couple run will get your endorphins up and set the stage for a hamstring manage in the jacuzzi.

Price free- $50 and the proceeds usually go to charity

Don’t forget the gift!!

Silver knot ring won’t turn her finger green. This simple ring is often referred to as a forget-me-not ring or a commitment ring.

Price $12 on Amazon.

Deluxe manicure set. For a girl who does her own nails this will bring the nail salon to her.

Price $15

Dried rose buds can be used for tea or baths. Rose teas contain high levels of vitamin C to help her body fight off that cold or flu and maintain radiant skin. It also has the ability to clear toxic waste from the bladder and kidneys and in doing this it reduces the risk of urinary tract infections. Drinking rose tea can prevent blockages that can be caused by kidney stones. Drinkers are less likely to suffer from mental conditions such as depression and anxiety disorders. It can also benefit victims of compulsive disorders, chronic fatigue, insomnia and nervousness. On top of all this they’re pretty.

Price $12 on Amazon

Cute key chain. Try to make it sentimental like a cute boat that looks like the one you went on for your first date. She’s carry it around always.

Price $3


No need to drop the ball this year. Hit me up on social media with any questions and I’ll put on my sexual superhero cape to save the day! You can thank me on the 15th.

Erika Jordan

Relationship Expert

Instagram @erikajordan

Twitter @Erika4Jordan

Erika Jordan

Are you a Super Bowl grade kisser? – By Erika Jordan


Erika JordanKissing is the language of love, so how about a conversation. Most people think they’re good kissers yet most of us can easily count numerous kissing disasters in our past. Time to let go of ego and find out where you stand on this fine Super Bowl 50 Sunday.  Make the kisses you give your girl or significant other count after you ignore them for the next few hour of game-time and please do not even make an attempt at a post game, half-drunk, beer laden kiss.  Thats just gross and a sure fail.

What kind of kisser are you? If these apply to you I suggest holding an intervention for yourself.

The Serial Killer

This is someone who will attempt to choke you with their tongue. Their goal is to get as much of their tongue into your mouth as possible. Unless a girl possesses an excellent gag reflex and doesn’t mind the slobber you’re better off with the motto “less is more.”

The Vampire

An occasional nibble is a good thing but this guy is out for blood. He bites lips, tongue, neck anything he can get his mouth on. This is a guy that has a girl dreading oral.

Bug Eyed Kisser

For a few seconds here and there taking a peek can be sexy. It shows a guy is present and focused on you but when he only closes his eyes to blink it makes you wonder what girl could possibly look good that close and if you hit him over the head will his eyes remain in that cross eyed position?

The Adrenaline Junkie

This guy gets bored fast and likes taking you along for the ride. Making out on the rollercoaster and while speeding down the freeway. If there is no chance of death there’s no chance of a kiss. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a girl is not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.

Cotton Mouth

Too much tongue can be a bad thing but this guy makes you wonder if he has a tongue. An occasional flicker of the tongue keeps things lubricated.

The Ground Hog

Starts out like the cotton mouth when all of a sudden his tongue leaps out of his mouth into yours! Before you can reciprocate or react in any way it’s gone leaving you to wonder if it happened at all.

The Loud Kisser

MUAH, slurp, muah. It’s hard to get lost in the moment when each kiss comes with a almost cartoon like sound effect.

Part time kisser

These kisses are good.. It’s not the technique that makes this a negative it’s the lack of consistency. His ADHD goes into over drive as he switches up the style and pressure every few seconds.

The Ultimate Quarterback Kisser

This kisser definitely did not get drunk during the big game.  He’s had his mouthwash, is fresh, clean and your knees buckle every time. He can take away your bad days and make your good days even better and most of all, it makes you completely forget the past few hours he has ignored you for a game where grown, sweaty men crash into each other and try to get a ball made of pig-skin over a line drawn in the grass with chalk. If its not obvious, this Kiss is guaranteed to lead to great sex!

Tips and Tricks to help you become a great Quarterback grade kisser

  1. For today, do NOT get drunk during the game.
  2. Cleans your mouth, stay fresh.
  3. Start with a closed mouth kiss then slowly open your lips until you can feel their lip in between yours.
  4. Optional: Trace her lips lightly with your tongue.
  5. Throw in a lip nibble and gently suck her tongue when she puts it into yours.
  6. Feel her out.
  7. You’re the quarterback here, take gentle but soft control and give her control whenever she’s ready to take it.
  8. Also, smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

On a final note, its amazing to be a part of the Bro My God team and to start working with all of its loyal followers and readers on Super Bowl Sunday!  I’ll be here on the regular writing about how all of you can improve your sex lives, love lives and your relationships.  So, follow me, Erika Jordan on Twitter, Instagram and bookmark Bro My God and lets get to it!



By Erika Jordan – Love Coach and Your Official Bro My God Spokeswoman

Instagram: @ErikaJordan
Twitter: @erika4jordan


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