Our brain can be our best friend. It remembers evidence that confirms our beliefs and decisions and it blocks out as much as possible of what challenges our beliefs. You might think this is a useful survival mechanism and it can be but it can also be the reason you continuously fail at relationships.
When you have a series of failures this becomes a pattern. The culprit varies, perhaps it was a coincidence, perhaps you come on too strong or hit the breaks when it comes time to commit. Whatever the case is you now have created a belief. “I never meet anyone I’d like to commit too” “I always say the wrong thing and mess everything up.” These little nagging beliefs will reek havoc on your life if you don’t take the time clean out the storage closet in your brain you will continue your destructive patterns.
This is not going to be easy.. The brain is stubborn and persistent. Studies have shown that a part of the thinking brain practically shuts down when being subjected to the opposing argument regarding something you feel strongly about. (Like politics) What will help you the most is simply redirecting.
You’re lying in bed stressing out about the date you have tomorrow. You’re going to make an ass of yourself.. You always do.. What’s the point of even trying.. The more you think the more you create and the more you fight it the more the thought will linger in your mind. Abort the mission and think of a movie you liked. Think of something that recently made you happy and focus on that. What good can possibly come of you stressing out about the date? With enough stress nerve cells in the hippocampus literally shrivel up and die.
Repeat, repeat, repeat! Repetition is everything so you won’t need to just hit the gym every day for 2 months to be fit you need to keep going so when these nagging thoughts come into your brain it will require redirecting and no matter how many times you redirect you’ll be doing it again sometime soon.
Argh.. what a pain.. who wants to do all that work? Isn’t it easier to claim the universe is guiding us into misery and maybe we deserve it or God has some master plan for us that involves a life time of disappointment first?
Uh, no… You need to expect more from yourself. All of the things you keep complaining about that just KEEP HAPPENING? You are doing them to yourself.. it’s the hardest concept to grasp.. but once you accept that you can be you’re own worst enemy and do the work to rewire your mind.. The outcome is more beautiful and bright than you could possibly imagine
Erika Jordan, ACS, Certified Love Coach