Yeah!! You’re getting married and it might actually work out… But, what if it doesn’t.. What if you catch her with your best friend and then she tries to take half your stuff, the dog and the house…
Romance and prenups are never said in the same sentence so pulling this off will be tricky. If possible I wouldn’t recommend it at all but if you’re rich or just plain paranoid cause you met her on GoldDiggers.com Here is what you should do..
Do It Early
I mean before the engagement early.. Once you’ve popped the question the fairy tale begins and you don’t want to ruin it with hey I’m thinking about what happens when we break up. When you’re on your knee, or suspiciously watching our every bite of cheesecake—however the proposal happens—we want to know what kind of marriage we’re saying yes to. If you want an open relationship this is something you’d discuss during the first 3-5 dates. Treat your need for a prenup the same way.
Draft a Prenup
Sit her down and tell her you want to discuss your and her financial expectations for the marriage. Frame it in terms of what you both want to “share” with each other, then let her know what you won’t be sharing. “You have to be really open about it and have an honest discussion. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship so you should be able to discuss anything with compassion. Whatever you agree on, you should draft it together. With your lawyers, of course.
Pay for Her Lawyer
You ask her for a prenup—the cost of which might be five, ten, or twenty grand for two lawyers? You pay both bills. Expect to pay about 20k
Do Not Blame Your Friends or Parents
My best friend George and his wife signed pre-nups is not a good tactic.. If they jumped off a cliff would you do the same?
Don’t Overdo It
I can’t gain more than 10 pounds unless pregnant? If I cheat I need to buy you a Mercedes? No.. Keep it simple
Don’t Just Talk About It— Sign the Damn Thing
Once it’s signed. Never talk about it again. Glass of wine?
Ask Yourself Again.. Do You Really Need This?
Will this ruin your soon to be marriage? I for one would feel like someone poured a bucket of ice water over my head. It’s pretty much the most unromantic concept and it eliminates much of the excitement for me. What makes sky diving so exciting is that moment before the shoot opens when you wonder if you’ll survive.
Are you Bill Gates and you’re dating Prius the stripper of the week from Bare Ladies? If you aren’t a millionaire protecting your paycheck from the woman you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with doesn’t bode well. To us ladies, it seems like moron insurance. That your reasoning is “Just in case I fuck up.” Or you question her intentions. Which would make any woman question who, exactly, she’s marrying. When you add up the lawyer fees, the emotional costs, and the potential damage to long-term trust, you might wish you’d just let it ride. Like we do with your nosy mother.
Erika Jordan, ACS, Certified Love Coach