The 10 Worst Weapons for the Zombie Apocalypse

What if the Zombie Apocalypse actually happened. Would you be ready to fight off some zombies? Either way here are 10 weapons you shouldn’t use during the Zombie Apocalypse.

1. An Axe

For some reason the survivors in zombie movies always go for the axe. Turns out if you hit something or someone hard enough with an axe it’ll get stuck. What are you going to do next? Start punching zombie? I don’t think so, an axe will only slow you down.

 

2. A Flamethrower

 

Probably the coolest weapon you can use and almost practical for the fact that you can light fires.  But the real reason why you shouldn’t have is that it actually won’t kill a zombie. If you so happen to find a flamethrower make a bomb out of it or something a little more useful.

3. A Nail Gun

With a nail gun you might just piss off a couple of zombies but you won’t be able to kill one with it.

 

4. A Chainsaw

 

Chainsaws have been pretty popular to kill zombies ever since “Evil Dead” with Ash making it one of his primary weapons. A chainsaw is useful for a few kills other than that once you’re out of gas or accidentally kill yourself game over.

5. A Baseball Bat

The Great Bambino (Babe Ruth) couldn’t fight his way out of a mob of zombies with a bat. What makes you think you could? You might be able to bash a few skulls in and if you have a wooden bat don’t expect it to last too much longer.

6. A Shotgun

Shot guns are great for blowing the head off of a zombie or two. But you can only get a couple rounds off if a mob of zombies are around. If you can get a couple of handguns or a machine guns you’d be better off than using a shotgun.

7. Hedge Trimmers

Looking to trim for garden? Why would you even pick these up you may as well run in circles and yell at the zombies to kill you.

8. A Knife

If you want to stab a couple of eye balls out by all means use this. What you really want is a gun and if you have to pick up a knife you better hope it’s a light saber there’s no chance a knife can help you out. Keep the knife for other purposes just not to kill zombies.

9. A Guitar

No this isn’t the time to rock out with cock out. Just stop, leave and go die peacefully.

10. Punching Zombies

Unless you’re Chuck Norris don’t even bother doing this. You may as well start punching yourself because after a couple of punches to a skull you might break a few bones in your hand.

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  • Brian Green

    The guy who wrote this is an idiot

    • BrianIsAnIdiot

      Well what would you use? Can’t say someone is an idiot with nothing backing it up. I may as well call you a faggot and not give anything to back that up, faggot.

      • Brian Green

        Wow you went from 0 to butthurt in 2 seconds! And the only items on this list I would agree with are fists, guitar, hedge trimmers, and a WOODEN baseball bat. The rest can be used pretty effectively as long as you don’t suck thoroughly. I personally would use my Glock, my .22 rifle, my machetes, knives are a must, and an aluminum baseball bat. This article bitches about knives being worthless, but if you have a larger than average knife then its a different story. Plus EVERYBODY can at least half-ass use a knife and do damage with it. Also, shotguns are pretty damn effective because any dumb redneck and most teenagers can figure out how to use it. You just have to generally aim for the head and you will probably hit it at least once. Another fallacy with this article is that it does not specify what zombies it is referring to. Are we talking Resident Evil (original)/ Walking Dead where they are slow and stupid? Or 28 Days Later type zombies where they are fast and fucking nuts? On that same note are they the full on dead or are they like 28 Days Later and I Am Legend where they are considered zombies, but are actually alive and in a very primal state?

        Is that enough backing up?

        • jim

          hey brian. your a faggot. hahahahaha. and he refered to the shotgun as useless due to minimum rounds in a mob of zombies + reload time so read before talking shit k thanx.

          • Brian Green

            You’re*. And you better read it because he doesn’t mention reload speed or capacity. If he said “double-barreled” shotgun (like the one in the picture), I could see your point. But he didn’t! Any tube-fed or magazine-fed shotgun can be reloaded pretty fast, unless you’re a bitch. So I could see YOUR problem with it. Plus if you manage to get a “duck bill” or “gator” muzzle brake, it would be an awesome zombie gun

          • doctor_robot

            jim and brian the idiot have “faggots” on the brain. they should probably hang out, and… get to know each other.

          • Wesley Topping

            If he referred to a specific class/type of shotgun I could see the argument. Though shotguns in general is a bit of an over statement. There are a lot of shotguns you wouldn’t want in a zombie apocalypse, just like there are a lot of machine guns you wouldn’t want, though there are some with larger clips and more versatility in ammo.

            You’d want a shotgun with a large enough clip where you can take on a small group 8 rounds at least (face it you’re running if there’s more than 8 zombies and you’re not in a group) and enough ammo to stock up on. If you’re in a group your choice of shotgun increases as you don’t need as many rounds per clip and just need the ability to have ammunition.

            Since I touched on it, for machine guns you want something that can go full auto and semi auto. This is ideal for going between the mandatory head shots with zombies and threats of bandits and other unsavory people.

          • Bob

            >Machine guns
            Look up the difference between assault rifles and machine guns.

          • Bob

            Any retard can reload a shotgun

        • Wesley Topping

          The chainsaw would be a noisy weapon for melee range thus drawing more dead than its worth. Unless you’re in an armored tank it would be worthless. Even then you need a very good system to keep it from killing one of your other team members.

          The flamethrower would also be a mess unless you’re stuck in an area of stone and have coated the zombies in enough gas/lighter fluid/perfume to burn them through the night. Unless you want to keep the flame focused on them the only useful thing you can do with it is turn it into a bomb or start a bon fire.

          • Bob

            You can’t keep a flamethrower focused.It literally shoots liquid fire

  • Chronic

    1. An axe would slice through rotting,decaying flesh, especially if you go for neck blows, or you could use the blunt side to just beat heads in.
    2. Flamethrowers would burn them up so quickly, they use napalm that burns much higher than normal flames and the continuous fire would turn em crispy in seconds.
    3. I think you’re underestimating nail guns. They’re really powerful and could easily be shot into zombies brains.
    4. Chainsaws would cut through zombies like butter. Ever hear of an electric chainsaw…they do exist
    5. Like the other guy who commented said, a metal bat could bash in skulls, so could a wooden bat, but it would break eventually.
    6. I don’t care if it is only a couple shots and a slow reload time it’s still a gun, and you seriously couldn’t think of 1 more weapon that’s worse???
    7. Hedge trimmer…alright yea they would be pretty useless most likely. But you could still stab a zombie in the head.
    8. A knife could still be used to stab into brains, especially if it’s a larger knife like a cleaver.
    9. Once again, I’ll give it to you, a guitar would be pretty useless. But an electric guitar could still be used to knock a zombie down and bash in a head.
    10. The only one on the list that I’ll say would be completely 100% stupid to try

    If you name something, the ten WORST weapons actually take more than 5 minutes making it. Just off the top of my head here’s some that should’ve been on there behind shotgun, nail gun, axe, and flamethrower…bow and arrow, brass knuckles, whip, net, glass bottle, hammer, an ice skate (could’ve even made a Happy Gilmore comment that probably woulda been funnier than anything you wrote), musket…basically your list sucks and you’d be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse cause you have zero creativity or vision

    • Brian Green

      I WOULD say a dildo should have made the list before these items, but there are some big scary ones…

    • GuyWithBraaaains

      Definitely team up with this guy in a zombie apocalypse

    • Hictory Luina

      I agree with you. Some of these weapons could be replaced with others because they aren’t that bad of a weapon. But others are just useless and die very quickly.

  • Dank Donkerson

    first off the best way to fight a zombie is to avoid them at all cost
    want to go into a store for supplies?
    make a lot of noise somewhere else than double back and go into the store. if you’re in a group just have someone lead them off in a vehicle

  • Vito

    Just one word: a minigun!

    • Douchebag Dildoface

      A minigun in a zombie apocalypse would suck ass. TERRIBLY!

    • Bob

      >Autism

  • Mark Sampson

    Has anyone thought instead of name calling that people just might have a different weapon of choice? I could make an argument for each of the weapons mentioned above, because Every single weapon has pros and cons. An AR or AK platform would suit gun nuts perfectly, conversely in my mother arms it’s dangerous, she might as well carry a baseball bat because AK’s make terrible clubs.

    Also to weigh in on the shotgun discussion, there is absolutly nothing wrong with a pump action shotgun. I have put thousands of rounds through my 870 with a medium choke, and it will out perform any automatic ive ever seen and NEVER EVER NEVER jam or misfeed. Aside from that how fast can u reload your magazine on an auto.

    Standard mag on a pump is 5 rounds easily converted to 7, standard on an auto is what? No more than 8 or 10 depending on the platform? How much volume do you think you will be fireing in a WROL scenario.??? Food for though moving on;

    There are many ways to operate a pump action ie combat loading ect, you can’t do that with an auto. You are going to have to reload PERIOD embrace it!

    Last thing I gotta give it to the 20ga as well. If u can shoot a 12 ga well you can shoot a 20 better, and ammo is just as plentiful and diverse. Thanks, MS

  • DaBurntToaster .

    lol
    #2, the problem with a flamethrower isnt that it wont kill a zombie, it sure as hell will, if you found an m9, the flames go very far, and i believe the flame temperature was around 2-3000f? no organism with a lot of water can survive that, the body would be drained of liquids in less that a second, and good luck moving without any water in your body, on top of that in that temperature, the infection would be destroyed before the body was, and that wouldnt take too long either
    the real problems with flame throwers are
    1) good luck finding one
    2) thats such a waste of gasoline

    #3, who the fuck in going to carry a hang pumped air compressor on their back for this… fuck the nail part, how the hell would you shoot this to begin with?

    #6, your argument only applies to pump shotguns, which arent actually a bad choice, you may not be able to fire rounds off like a mad man, but in the case of a zombie apocalypse, a slow firing weapon is great for a new shooter, you CANT spend lots of rounds, so every round has to count, it forces you to aim, rather than spray and pray, i find that when i use a slow firing weapon, i have great accuracy, compared to fast firings semi’s where its too tempting for keep pulling that trigger until you hit
    and your argument doesnt mean shit to (semi)auto shot guns

    #8, a knife is a bad weapon, but a good find, get your self a broom stick and strap it to the end, its now a head poker, and you dont even have to get close.

  • gabe

    Truly, this is ridiculous. Machine guns? Axes are bad? I get that for a couple of these items, certain physical abilities(to use the axe effectively, you would need sufficient speed and strength to cleave a skull open, and then extract the blade quickly). “Machine guns”, as this ignorant author calls them, ware most likely assault rifles or sub-machine guns…but if he meant honest-to-God .50 caliber Browning M2HBs, like the ones mounted atop military vehicles, he is being completely stupid. Ammunition is rare, and you can’t just toss it into your backpack, the thing weighs nearly a hundred pounds! .50 caliber is a super-expensive, and hard-to-come-by round. Shotguns are MUCH better, due to the fact that it’s incredibly easy to find shells for them, guitars, flamethrowers, fists, and chainsaws, as well as hedge trimmers I agree with. Knives, it depends. A pen knife or a Swiss Army knife, no. Bowie, Buck, or combat knives, yes. Many knives are of sufficient blade length to penetrate a skull, and destroy the brain. However, I would only take knives that were name-brand. that way I would know they were durable, and could hold a sharp edge for an extended period of tiem. Areas to aim are under the chin,(If long enough) the temple, or eye socket.

  • Hictory Luina

    Some of these aren’t bad and need to be replaced with something that is more reasonable. Others are very reasonable unless you want to be creative on just one zombie that is the only one where you are at.

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