So Miles Lothe was either bored enough, or just bad-ass enough to translate the whole Facebook terms and service into bro-speak. Either way this is awesome–now us bros can understand what hell Facebook is telling us. Miles Lothe thank you for your time and devotion bro!
Here are some highlights from his translation. Prepare to be hit with some knowledge!
“We give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so you’re not all ‘Facebook, I had no idea!’ when your shit is in our press releases.’”
“You will not misrepresent your relationship with Facebook to others.”
“Don’t be telling people we’re tighter than we are. You’re just some application developer; we don’t want to find out you were trying to impress that hottie or those investors by telling them you know Mark or whatever. You don’t.”
“You give us the right to link to or frame your application, and place content, including ads, around your application.”
“Basically nothing you create is private. We can check out your content, mine your data, analyze your application and pretty much whatever else we want, for any reason at all. Yes, even to make money off of your shit. Problem?”
“WE TRY TO KEEP FACEBOOK UP, BUG-FREE, AND SAFE, BUT YOU USE IT AT YOUR OWN RISK. WE ARE PROVIDING FACEBOOK AS IS WITHOUT ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT. WE DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT FACEBOOK WILL BE SAFE OR SECURE.”
“LEGALLY WE’RE REQUIRED TO YELL THIS PART BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING IMPORTANT. THIS IS THE PART WHERE WE TELL YOU THAT WE DO OUR BEST TO NOT HAVE BROKEN SHIT BUT WE CAN’T MAKE ANY PROMISES OR GUARANTEE ANYTHING AT ALL. WE DON’T EVEN PROMISE THAT USING FACEBOOK IS SAFE SO IF YOU GET AXE-MURDERED BECAUSE OF SOME SHIT YOU DID ON FACEBOOK THAT’S NOT ON US WE TRIED TO WARN YOU WE EVEN YELLED IT. “
To see the full translation and know exactly what Facebook is talking about click here bro!